when i have children

when i haev children theyre not going to be spoiled like everyone elses children.  oh no.  when they ask me for that new bikini blast barbie im going to teach them a lesson or two.  ive been thinking, we overlook so much of our natural resources in a given day and so much gets thrown out or goes to waste that other cultures would absolutely die for.  so i've decided that my children will make their own barbie dolls made from pipe cleaners and you could do something sensible like 2 pipe cleaners for a torso and glue two large grapes on it, 3/4 of the way up the body and call it good. 

lets just say if they want a mr. potato head, its gonna be similar to a potato yet easier to come by.  ive been known to generate a 7 inch long brown poopatroopa now and then, and with a couple deft moves with toothpicks, tinsel, and some dental floss - i think we'd have mr potato head looking good as new in no time.  and on some nights, if we think it right to give mr potato head a friend or something you should just squeeze him off 3/4 of the way out and leave the other 1/4 for whatever purpose.  a new dog?  cat?  designer handbag?  accessories make the outfit, people.

maybe we could even market it...  *NEW* playdough and potpourri pretty pretty princess playset.....  or something.  theyd prolly never even get to the bottom of it.  holy smoke you could probably use it as warpaint as well.  did i just invent the most useful product of the 21st century?  quite possibly...